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I have terminal heart failure & on hospice. My daughter expects me to run around with her. How to get her to understand I'm too sick?

A MyHeartDiseaseTeam Member asked a question 💭
Fort Worth, TX
September 18
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A MyHeartDiseaseTeam Member

@A MyHeartDiseaseTeam Member do what you can, don't push yourself, and yes, it is hard for someone to realize and admit a parent has some major health issues. Remember, all of us think that Mom and Dad are going to always be with us until life smacks us upside the head with a reality check. Hang in there.

September 19
A MyHeartDiseaseTeam Member

Diane, this is a problem I have had all my life. I could never keep up with anyone, and my hubby now loves to go, go, go...and I can't do it anymore, as I too have CHF, and it takes its toll some days. I have started taking him to the cardiology appointments with me so he could better understand what I am dealing with and could ask questions if he needed to, and it has really helped. Now, he just says I am going xyz. Are you up for it? If I am, I go; if not, I stay. It took a while to get my friends on board, but now they usually say to me. We are doing xyz on Saturday if you feel well enough to join us. Not sure if any of this will work for you, but hey, it's worth a try. Hugs🤗

September 18
MyHeartDiseaseTeam

This is such a tender and difficult situation, and it's clear how much you love your daughter. Helping her understand your limitations while keeping your connection strong is so important right now.

Having an honest, gentle conversation using "I" statements can make a big difference. Instead of saying "I can't keep up with Show Full Answer

This is such a tender and difficult situation, and it's clear how much you love your daughter. Helping her understand your limitations while keeping your connection strong is so important right now.

Having an honest, gentle conversation using "I" statements can make a big difference. Instead of saying "I can't keep up with you," try something like "I need us to find ways to spend time together that work for my body right now." This keeps the focus on your needs without making her feel blamed.

Here are some ways to help her understand and adjust:

- Be direct but loving — explain that your heart condition means even small activities take a serious toll on your energy
- Suggest alternatives — invite her to sit with you, watch a movie, look through photos, or share a meal together
- Let her help — sometimes allowing a loved one to care for you is its own form of connection
- Consider involving your hospice team — a hospice nurse, social worker, or counselor can help explain your condition to family members in a way that feels less scary coming from a professional Your hospice team is truly one of your greatest resources here. They are experienced in helping families navigate exactly these kinds of conversations, and they can gently help your daughter understand what your body is going through without it feeling like a rejection from you.

You deserve peace, comfort, and meaningful time with the people you love — on your terms. 💙

September 18

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